Kelly bought a house back in July 2018. Since then she has put a lot of work into making it the house she wants to call home. Although there is still some work to do in the house, she decided to take advantage of a friend's moving this weekend by adding moving her bedroom furniture and a few other pieces of furniture plus some totes full of other household items to his moving list.
He and his son hauled some furniture in CT and then came up to move her furniture in the late morning. The cats were shut in the bedroom while Kelly's furniture was removed and loaded into the UHaul. Then off they went to unload at her house, leaving me with a nearly empty bedroom with those phantom indents from furniture having sat on the carpet for many years...eleven years for this bedroom set she got when she was sixteen years old.
I vacuumed dust and debris, then let the cats out. Revere was the first one to come and explore Kelly's room. He nosed around, then flopped on the carpet and rolled around, liking the open space. Riley showed up a little later on and froze just inside the doorway, looking all around, then looking at me. His tail was in the classic question mark position. He didn't like that his afternoon napping bed was gone!
Kelly was home for dinner Saturday night and to pick up some more things that fit in her SUV. Both cats were eager to show her that her furniture was missing from her room. They really don't understand the concept of moving out. We did take Revere to her house one night last summer while we were cleaning, but he didn't like that there was no furniture, and it didn't smell like home. He was nervous there.
This afternoon Revere heard her car in the driveway and went to the door to greet her, but she was in the garage talking to her father. She and I were headed to Target to get some things she still needed after shopping together this morning. I called him downstairs and she came in through the garage to pat him, rub his ears, and then she and I left.
We were home for my birthday dinner tonight. She also doesn't have internet at her house yet (Tuesday it's being installed), so she was on her computer in the den for a little while. Then, about 7PM she left.
Since she left Revere has been lying in a corner in her former room in the dark. I've gone in to see him a few times, to pat him and assure him that he'll see her again, and that it's all right that her furniture is gone. He looks sad tonight and I feel bad I don't know how else to comfort him. The missing furniture has him the most upset since she's gone away to college, taken week long vacations and other trips, gone to visit her former roommate, and gone off to work and volunteer at the trolley museum right along, so he's used to her coming and going. He cannot understand the missing furniture.
I know once we start painting the room and getting it ready for it's new purpose, a sort of guest room/workspace for me, that he'll be upset all over again, but there will be a futon he can sleep on.
Riley, on the other hand, is more vocal about the missing furniture as he napped every afternoon on her bed with the western sun coming through the window. He paces in her room then comes to the doorway and meows.
Both cats know something has changed and they aren't happy.
How do I feel? I'm both happy and sad. When you have a baby you have all these hopes and dreams for them. You want them to grown up to be the best person they can be. You invest a lot into guiding and advising, giving them opportunities to grow and discover themselves and find their way in the world. You're happy when they do well, and in the back of your mind you know the day will come when there will be this separation, this having to let go and let them continue to grow independently.
I feel I've done a fairly decent job of being a mother. I have to trust that she can handle living independent of us, of thriving in her own home. I wish her well, but I miss her terribly already. I'm grateful for instant messaging. I can message her, send her a picture and she can answer back in moments. She's sent me pictures of things she's accomplished- like putting an area rug down in her living room that she bought last evening. She's getting ready for the workweek tonight, but also moving things around, working out how best to layout her stuff so her house becomes more of a home over the next few weeks. We've been texting back and forth about items she forget. She's coming over tomorrow evening after dinner for another slice of birthday cake and to pick up items she forgot to take home tonight, and to check her email.
I have this fluttery feeling as some ties snap loose, but essentially, our core bonds are strong. She just lives across town from us now, a twenty minute drive. I am grateful she didn't move across country, or out of the country! John and I are fortunate our only child chose to stay nearby to her family. She has a good job. She has some friends she likes spending time with. We've talked about her adopting a cat from the homeless cat shelter. Maybe after her former roommates graduation from Brown (PhD.) she'll adopt a feline companion since she's grown up with cats in the house and she misses her cat Revere, but he's bonded with Riley and us. Separating him from his brother and leaving him alone for long periods of time would not be fair to a cat used to family and Riley. Adopting a new member of the family would be a good thing for her.
I miss my writing and drawing buddy. I'll miss nights at the kitchen table. Sometimes we laughed, sometimes we didn't even talk, both of us absorbed in separate projects or activities. It's the companionship, the pleasure of her company in my life I will miss the most. But, it was time.
I'm sure all parents go through this adjustment period when they suddenly find themselves alone again, a couple, not just Mom and Dad.
I've shed a few tears this weekend...but my heart isn't really sad. I'm just happy she's grown up the way she has and she's ready to soar with those wings of hers that will take her places.
Godspeed, Kelly! And always know the door here is always open to you whenever you want to come over. This will always be home for you, too.
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